Day 2 of the Symposium, and a whole lot of questions...

For the first time in my life I posed a question to a professor of a well-known university, and got suaned for my trouble. He misunderstood my question, but then again, he misunderstood a lot of other people's questions. Still, I kind of like the guy's thinking. He would make a great opposition party member...

Today gave me a lot of food for thought, and I'm not talking only about the symposium. Of course, the speakers did raise very interesting points, like the one on how the liberalising of Singapore's cultural sphere is in fact increasing the government's political legitimacy. But that aside, I was confronted by the limits of my comfort zone as I sat in D Block today, being asked questions, some of which I knew the uncomfortable answers to, others raised more thoughts about myself.

I have begun to wonder about whether I should remain in the political society. The meeting made me feel uneasy, and I don't think I am prepared to go as far as to put up posters, do things beyond what I am accustomed to, take a stand and rally in the canteen... Now that I've understood more of what the Act requires me to do, I simply don't think I have the passion or stamina or courage or willpower to run for a cause that, like Mr Leong said, will most likely fail. I'm afraid it was merely in a fit of anger that I said I would give my full support of the cca because of the blazer incident. This says something about me doesn't it? I'm scared, lazy, just not bold or passionate enough to go beyond the level of armchair politics. Maybe all I can do is complain and gripe. Maybe that's what I like to do, which is probably why I'm in debating...

I think the problem is that I thought it would be like debating. I thought all we would do was sit around and discuss and debate on current affairs. But Mr Leong clearly has a penchant for getting things DONE, and I agree with him, in theory. There is, of course, too much blame-shifting, too much complaining, too much talk these days, and yet no one is willing to consider what they themselves would actually do. Of course something needs to be done. I just don't want to be the one doing it. Which is why I've concluded that I'm probably not cut out for politics. I'll just stay in my comfort zone and remain the armchair general...

*sigh.... I think I need to change. But how? I'm too scared to go beyond my limits. If you ask me to write a letter, if you ask me to make a passionate speech in a nice, dignified environment, I am willing to do so. But to sacrifice my reputation? My pride? My laziness? Arghhhhh.... This is so confusing.... I know what I must and have to do, I'm just afraid to do it. And this brings up another interesting question: For whom or for what cause am I willing to change? Should I change just for this? I would rather change for a higher calling, and then again, perhaps i was put in this position to change...

I pause to think.

Oh yeah, I'm going for the national debate trials tomorrow! Hope I do well!